Moving On


Well what can I say guys, I have been left feeling scared, I would absolutely love to begin moving on from my last relationship but I am petrified of being hurt again. I'm scared of getting close to someone just have my heart broken once more. Let's face it I'm not getting any younger and it doesn't help that everyone I knew appears to be in happy relationships where they are engaged or have children and here's me 22 and single...AGAIN.  I feel as though I've got nothing to offer a girl, I'm so behind in life, I don't drive, work or have my own place. 

Following my last relationship, I've struggled to see a future for myself. What hurt most was the fact my ex did not understand my mental health, that isn't her fault, I don't understand it myself so I can't expect others to. But when we split up I noticed quite a few harsh tweets about me and she even called me a psycho, which also broke me. How on earth could someone by to insensitive and mean? In hindsight, it wasn't a bad relationship, it was just difficult as we were both stressed with university workloads but for some reason she would never make time for me. Often I would feel like a part-time boyfriend or like a toy she would just take out the box and throw back in whenever she felt like it. I do however, feel as though I was used and exploited for my generosity, she took advantage of my sensitivity and knew she could play on it to her advantage.

I am no where near ready to face the dating scene again, right now there's a lot of other things I need to be focusing on like graduating university. For the first time in a long time, I'm putting myself first and focusing on my own well-being for once. I'm not one of those that can just dust themselves off and crack on with life, I'm not resilient in the slightest and so I take things to heart easily. So many people are unaware of the damaging and long lasting effects just a few works can cause.

I need something to stimulate me, something that will give me the motivation to at least get out of bed. I do go through some dark periods from time to time where I resort to shutting the world off and not leaving my bedroom for weeks on end. The hardest days for me are the ones where I have no one to talk to. All the friends I do have appear to be busy with their own lives or they are simply fake as I learnt last year at university. The last thing I want is to be burdening anyone and wasting their time.

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