Momentum for University!


I'm in my 3rd year of uni. As I'm writing this my head is bombarded with the reminder that in four days time the first half of my dissertation is due in. I like to think I am an organised person but as it stands I have a further 3000 words to write. I'm struggling, not with university itself but the momentum to carry on. I should be excited I'm on the homeward stretch with just a few months til graduation.

I panic, knowing every word I write counts to a grade which in turn will affect my future. This degree will determine everything, the pressure is immense. I'm one of those people who knows what they want to say but struggles to put it into words on paper, the irony as I'm doing it now. I've been there for 3 years now yet I still don't truly feel comfortable, I like everyone, well almost everyone. I try and be as outgoing as I can and talk to as many people as I can. I'm fortunate as I'm in a group with two friends from college and I've also met some really lovely girls, I'm currently dating one.

I feel isolated, I panic about where to sit, knowing some of the girls will avoid sitting next to me. I sit in a group of six but realistically it's probably a group of 5 plus me. I'm pretty vocal in lecturers, probably too much, everyone is probably wishing I'd just shut up. I wish I could just relax and enjoy these last few months with friends but instead I'm anxious, feeling like everyone dislikes me, I'm not included in any social meet ups, whenever I see the girls on their phones I immediately think they're talking about me.

I can't blame the girls though I empathise with them, I forgot to mention how my course is dominated by women, I'm studying childhood studies so I guess it's hard for them to include me in conversations. I'm not an attention seeker but I wish I could be noticed, I want more than just a "Hi, you alright?

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